In 2024, I had the privilege of seeing Taylor Swift in concert twice. Neither were planned far in advance; the opportunities fell in my lap (extreme gratitude to my daughter and one of my dearest friends for making this happen). So, I figured going was meant to be. It was quite a different experience from the “Red Tour” and the “1989 Tour”. Like all of us, Taylor is getting older, more experienced, and wiser. Some of her more recent lyrics (and a few of the “oldies”), reflect the evolution of her maturity. Here, I highlight some of them and the meaningful life lessons they can bring us.
“Band-Aids don’t fix bullet holes” – Life’s big, scary, and distressing events happen to everyone at some point. When these happen, we can feel completely knocked off our game. Feeling better, processing, acceptance and letting go can only come from big solutions. Unhealthy coping strategies, toxic positivity, and denial won’t cut it. True peace comes from processing where we let ourselves feel all of the painful and vulnerable feelings (yes, even anger) for however long it takes.
“I can do it with a broken heart.” – There is terrible advice floating around about when you have been wounded, that you cannot move forward until you have completely healed. I often hear people say that they shouldn’t get a new job/move to a new city/date someone new until they have “fixed” all of their stuff. I call BS on that. First, “should” is a judgment word. Second, there is no “fixing”. Life is a constant journey of healing, processing, changing, and evolving. The end point is death. As long as you are not looking to that future thing to solve your problems, go for it! You can process and heal while you go to work, try new things, and date someone new.
“Who you are is not what you did” – Everyone makes mistakes – everyone. And yet so many people judge and define others by their mistakes or missteps. Humans only learn through adversity. We don’t learn when things go well. So in a way, we need to be grateful for mistakes or things that didn’t go well. These things do not define you. You define you. And if someone is trying to define you by a mistake, the problem is not you. It’s the other person.
“He said, “Look at you, worrying too much about things you can’t change. You’ll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way.’” – Oh, anxiety, why do you have to make life so challenging? We all need a healthy dose of anxiety so we can be alerted to actual danger. For so many of us, the anxiety part of our brain thinks you can never have too much of a good thing. This is not true for anxiety. When life gets scary and we feel vulnerable, the anxiety part of your brain thinks it can control the outcome of the unknown with worry. This cognitive distortion causes unnecessary distress for so many people. The logic brain knows the truth – the future is unknown for everyone and we cannot control the outcome with worry. Be mindful. Be present.
“Never be so politе you forget your power” – Women, in particular, are still given societal and familial messages that being direct and honest is not okay (and showing anger is judged in women). Sometimes this message that we have to be polite and accommodating is used to marginalize and suppress people. No matter who you are, it is always okay to advocate for yourself, show your authentic self, and be honest, direct, and kind. Anyone who says otherwise is not in your corner.
“So, don’t you worry your pretty little mind/People throw rocks at things that shine” – When we found out my daughter was being horribly cyber-bullied by a group of “mean girls” in high school, I tried to repeatedly give her this message. I tried to tell her that jealousy leads people to do horrible things to those they envy. When you are the target of someone’s rock, however, it is hard to believe that their cruelness is not about you. It is, however, about the offender’s insecurity, lack of confidence, and inability to regulate their own emotions. To get through something like this, lean into all of your feelings – sadness, despair, betrayal, anger, etc. You will get through this. The only way out is through.
From a therapy perspective, perhaps one of Taylor’s greatest contributions to modern society is how she teaches all people that it is okay to be exactly who you are and to feel and express your feelings. If I could ask just one thing it would be to ask her to write a song about how the person who got broken up with needs to own their contributions to the fractures in the relationship that led to its end (“Back to December” gets close). I love how she shares her heartbreak, the pain and despair that punches us to our core. Part of recovering from a relationship that ended is being introspective about what we did that contributed to an unhealthy relationship. Being able to do this makes it possible for us to grieve, let go, and move forward. We all deserve love and to be cherished by someone. Taylor, we are grateful for all of your compassion, authenticity, and empathy. Be well, my friends.