Each year, during the week of Thanksgiving, I start asking myself this question. Before you read any further – spoiler alert. The first part of this blog will focus on the downside of the holiday season, which I have defined as starting the weekend before Thanksgiving and ending on New Year’s Day.
For many people the holiday season is filled with “have tos” and an expectation to make everything “perfect”. These two things are made dramatically worse by social media. Even if you spend all day untangling lights, finding strands that work and hanging them from eaves and doorways, you will see your friends on social media with what look like a perfectly lit up house (often what you don’t know is they hired someone to put up those lights). It is hard to not compare. People send holiday cards to a huge list of recipients sometimes because they want to and sometimes because they feel like they have to. And, for so many people, the holidays bring up sad or uncomfortable memories from a particular holiday that permanently reside in our conscious brain. We remember those who are no longer with us, those who hurt us, and those who let us down. We can’t help feeling all of this, just in time for the new year – where we are expected to find renewed enthusiasm for the promise of the new year ahead.
The holidays bring with them a huge “to do” list of shopping, wrapping, baking, etc. which are items that are added to an already overflowing plate of regular responsibility. In my family, like so many others, the women not only held the responsibility of making the holiday gatherings magical for everyone else, it was expected that they would do it. After weeks of shopping, decorating, sending cards, cleaning, cooking, and more cleaning, the women in my family were completely exhausted by the time it was all over. It is hard to enjoy the beauty and fun of the season when you are the one doing most of the work to create it. (Side note: One of the worst new-ish holiday traditions is “Elf on the Shelf”. Already exhausted parents have to find new and clever ways to position the elf each night for 30+ nights or risk feeling inadequate when they see on social media the elaborate scenes their friends created. I celebrate the fact that Elf on the Shelf got started after my kids were too old to care about it.) Fortunately, there has been a turn with the generation below mine. There appears to be more equality in this regard in many families.
Here is why I think the holidays matter. The holiday season presents us with an opportunity to get a break from our regular lives. For a little while, our community, homes and offices look, smell and sound different. Lights in trees that we see everyday make them appear magical. Smells from decorated trees, baking, and seasonally flavored coffees stimulate past holiday memories and give us a pause from how things typically smell. We bake or eat foods we don’t typically eat during the rest of the year, providing our palate with a needed change from routine flavors. We hear songs that we only hear at this time of the year which can stir up warm feelings and increase optimism. We have the opportunity to see friends and family members we may not have time to see during the rest of the year through gatherings and parties. If we didn’t have the holidays to nudge us into these activities, we might not otherwise make the time. 365 days of the same things everyday isn’t good for our mental health. Breaks in our routines make space for creativity, brain development, open-mindedness, and can prevent boredom. This year, go ahead and roll out the traditions, create new ones, and enjoy the break from everyday life. Come January, you will be glad you did. However you choose to celebrate, do it the way you want to and find the meaning that works for you. Be well, my friends.